The Kids with VP after ICCA Semi-Final win
What's Vocal Point you ask? You shouldn't have to. But if you are and I haven't sufficiently offended you by making you feel ignorant and out of touch with all that is good in the world to the point that you are actually still reading this, Vocal Point is where Nicki and I met.
Oh, and it is also the BYU-sponsored 9-man a cappella group. You can see some of their more recent performances on YouTube here and here. When I was in it (and Nicki was choreographing for the group), there was no YouTube. There was "Yo Dude," however. Very close relative of YouTube. I'm not even sure how many our performances were recorded by VHS video cameras in those days. I think I know how many Beta cameras there were, however.
The trip. Yeah. So, we had booked our flights on US Airways. Motto: "Fly the skies. Or not. We can't actually guarantee you will ever get off the ground, let alone to your final destination." In all fairness, we didn't know their motto at the time we booked the flights.
However, 3 hours before we were supposed to leave, we began to learn. The flight was going to be delayed and we would miss our connection in Phoenix.
On the plus side, they seemed to be very customer friendly by trying to arrange other ways for us to arrive at our scheduled time. They even put us on a direct Continental flight. I was quite impressed with US Airways at that moment.Then, on the way to the airport on Sunday, we received another phone call. Our flight was going to be delayed and we would miss our connection in Charleston. This time, no help to get home that night. So, we spent an extra night at my brother's house. Which, of itself, was fine. We were happy to have a little more time to spend with them, especially since we got to go with them to the Cherry Blossom festival. Those cherry blossoms are kind of cool.
I think, perhaps, that some of my discontent might have been colored by the TSA. Motto: "Privacy, shmivacy."
The night we left, I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be "randomly" selected for the naked body scan. I had been "randomly" selected EVERY time since it was instituted at McCarran.
Nicki was also "randomly" selected right before me. I know they don't send every person through it, because I saw several people pass by me on either side who just did the metal detector, as I waited at the end of the chute exiting the naked body scanner. A TSA agent waiting at the end eyed me with suspicion, said, "Copy" into the radio on her shoulder and raised her hand to me to signal, "Stop."
So I stopped. And I waited.
She said "Copy" at least twice before she left me, without any instruction that I might proceed. But, never fear, another TSA agent signaled "Stop" from the side. They were courageously doing their duty keeping Matthammed Bin Laden Al Zawahiri detained.
I waited. And waited.
No words, just looks of suspicion and disapproval. Then an agent pulled the red tape across the end of the chute in front of me, in case I had the urge to bolt. "RESTRICTED," it read across the bold red tape.
Please, just put a neon sign over my head that says, "Criminal detained! Everyone, look at the criminal!"
Nicki kept giving me questioning looks, for which I had no response, no answers.
Finally, two TSA agents (are they actually agents, really?) approached me and asked where my bags were. I pointed toward Nicki. The senior companion (at least, I assumed by virtue of his thinning comb-over and the other one didn't ever talk) stated that they had detected an anomaly and needed to do a bio-scan.
At this point, I thought they meant rub their little acne pads over the zipper of the bag and do a test, like I had seen (and had) done many times before. Why did THAT decision take so long?
"Please, sir. Go into that room."
Nicki says, "Um. I'm going in there with you."
Incredulous looks from the TSA guys, but they didn't try to stop her. Good thing. I guarantee we would not have made our flight had they tried.
I started thinking, "Wait a minute. This guy is going to give me an enhanced pat down. What the crap?" I promise I even thought "crap."
What follows is a direct transcript of the dialogue that occurred as the junior companion, who remained silent the entire time because he likes to just watch, closed the door behind us.
"Sir, the scan revealed an anomaly and I need to sexually assault you."
"Anomaly?" responded Nicki and I. "What sort of anomaly?"
"I'm not allowed to say. At this point, I would really just like to molest you."
"Can you see that I am wearing pajamas? What would I possibly be hiding that you couldn't actually see when you looked at my naked body in the scanner?"
Nicki: "This is unbelievable. It's wrong. He has done nothing wrong."
"Well, ma'am, you are welcome to call Washington and see if you can get things changed. But as of this evening, I still get to legally assault your husband sexually in front of you and there is nothing you can do to stop me, unless you and your husband want to go to jail and miss your flight altogether."
Nicki: "This is what male cows leave on the ground."
"Nicki, this will get us nowhere. He is going to get his supervisor and have us arrested if I don't let him molest me." (To agent, as I raise my arms in the air) "Go ahead, touch me where ever you want to. Get it over with."
He then proceeded to describe in detail how he was going to sexually assault me and followed through with his promise. I can't describe it as anything else, because it's how I felt - honestly. He "touched my junk" (to borrow a phrase), not once - but 4 times.
I am glad it wasn't a family trip where one of our children was selected for this "safety measure." Nicki and I would probably still be in jail.
Is there anything you can do about it? Not if you want to fly anywhere. You have to buck up and take it. But it is crap. Definitely crap.
