If At First You Don't Succeed...

First of all, I want you to know (should you ever choose to do a triathlon) that rolling head first over your handle bars at the bike dismount does NOT actually save time in the transition. I know, you would think otherwise, but I can tell you from experience that it does not. Plus, it's a little bit embarrassing in front of all the spectators.

Secondly, you should really listen to the announcer when they are talking about the groups that are getting ready to start. He had announced the Elite group and I didn't even hear them start, when Nicki asked me if I was supposed to be down in the water.

"No. Not until the 'Under 40' has to start." (Please note that I am under 40 years old.)

"Well, that's who is down there."

I got into the water with just under 90 seconds to go before the start. Yikes.

Third, it is really hard to backstroke in a straight line without something to spot. There was not a cloud in the sky that morning. And the sun was not really working for me as a guide. Consequently, this is what I probably looked like, only slower:



And I really had no need to be worried about hydration during the race, since I ingested plenty of water while I was swimming.

To properly assess my satisfaction with my performance, we must know what my goals were. In order of importance, my goals for the St. George Triathlon on May 15 at Sand Hollow Reservoir:

1) Don't drown.
2) Finish the race.
3) Don't finish in last place.
4) Finish in under 2 hours.

Goal #1 may seem like a no-brainer, but given my swimming skill, I needed it as a goal. Check.

I did manage to finish the race. Goal #2 - Check.

Notice that the goal is not "Don't finish last in my age group." Although, it turns out I would have actually achieved that goal, as well. I was second-to-last, thank you very much. However, when I checked my times before we left, I was in last place in my age group. I managed to finish before some old guys, large women, and a 15-year-old kid. I am a specimen. Goal #3 - Check.

Goal #4 - 2:08. I will be back. I will get to under 2 hours. It's not a lofty goal, really. Interestingly, what killed me was not my weak event. I actually performed better than expected on the swim time. It was my bike and "run" times that were really lacking. I am convinced that it must have been the Batsuit:



Feel free to search Bib #746.

I, Mommy

When Nicki asked me 6 or 7 weeks ago about going to Women's Conference, I said, "That's fine, but what are the kids going to do in Provo while you are up there?"

Obviously, that's not what I said, since we are still married. I'm not an idiot. It was clear that she was going to need this break. I needed the break, after all, and I go to work every day.

Weeks passed, and I trained and prepared for the days that she would be leaving...by putting it completely out of my mind. Then, April 28th rolled around and she was already gone when I got home from work at about 5 pm. "Okay, I can do this."

I must say, I did a great job. I maintained my patience and was so calm with the kids and everything. All the way until about 6 pm. On April 28th.

Look, I could chronicle the not-going-to-bed, the getting-up-before-6-am, the not-eating-the-food, the diapers, the whining, the crying, the tattling. The "Daddy, I need this." "Daddy, why does he get to..." The everything else. But all that doesn't matter. I claim success and victory, because, when Nicki got home on Saturday, we still had 6 children. Alive. As in not dead...by my hand, specifically.

I realize that 50% of you are thinking, "Yeah. It's about time a man had to see what it's really like." See, I have said for years that I would much rather go to work, than stay home, because work is so much easier. I had stayed home before, when it was just Matti. And THAT was more work than work. So I already knew and ALWAYS appreciated what Nicki does day in and day out. So nothing new was learned, okay? I am enlightened.

Well, something new was learned, actually. With six kids, staying at home is more than more work than work. (Did you follow that just now?) I won't even attempt to quantify the multiple (10 times, 100 times, 1 billion times - you pick). But I can say this:

Think of the worst day you ever had at work. Now repeat that EVERY day at work. It's still easier than staying home with six kids. Please take my word for it. Or, on behalf of 50% of you, don't.