Drip Drip...Drippity Drop

I share this only because everyone has the same irrational fear that I do. No...I'm not talking about non-private bathroom facilities.

You are carrying on a normal conversation with someone. Or you are teaching a bunch of teenagers in a class. Or you are doing a presentation at work. Or you are at a work lunch with a group of Important People.


Then you feel something on your nose.

Not on the top of your nose. Not even the tip of your nose.

Something between your upper lip and your nose.

How do you calmly (and coolly), while in front of people, go ahead and check that there is nothing dripping from your nose? Your mind races and you think, "I could just slide my arm (or hand...please make sure you have hand sanitizer) briefly past my nose as I motion to something on the ceiling (surely I can think of a good reason to motion towards the ceiling)."

Or...perhaps you just go for it. Brazenly using your digits to check for rogue nasal excretion, whether in liquid or solid form. If you're a little more sanitary, you will likely use a handkerchief or tissue. Heaven knows that hauling a big white cloth or tissue up to your nose and rubbing it all around, obscuring your face for a brief moment doesn't exactly qualify as subtle and discrete.

The worst part is, 99% of the time, it is all in your mind. There is nothing there. NOTHING, I tell you! Why did you worry about it and call attention to your nose for no reason?

Now everyone is looking at your nose to see if they can see what it was that caused you to check there. And trust me, it's not that they want to see it. But, similar to when there is an accident on the side of the freeway, people just have to look.

Then you find yourself in an endless loop of constantly checking, because it may have been a warning from your brain that something was looming. An impending breakout from the nostril barrier. And now everyone is looking at it to check, too.

It's all in your mind. I promise. Don't worry about it. Go on with your meeting, lesson, presentation, conversation. At worst, it is possibly a long nose hair sticking out and catching a breeze (mostly for you men over, say, 40 - I congratulate you if you are experiencing this at a younger age).

Except, then there is that 1% of the time when there is actually something that keeps us checking during the other 99%.

Maybe it's the bubble. Or the drip. Or the goobery booger shooting out in the middle of a chuckle. (I watched it happen to someone else, I swear.)

Okay...for me, once...about 14 years ago, it wasn't even my nose.

It's funny, I didn't even realize that earwax could actually come out of your ear involuntarily. Hmm.

He Discovered My Nakedness

Look, I am sorry. This subject may offend you. If so, then please skip it. But the bottom line is that I had an embarrassing moment I would like to share with all. Because, after all, what is more important than baring yourself in front of others? That is to say, your embarrassing moments in front of others.

Some like to hide their most embarrassing moments. I am trying to get it all out there. Although, "getting it all out there" was not my intent last Friday.

While I had the "Mom" responsibility for a few days, I couldn't go running or swimming or biking early in the morning. So, I packed up Jonny and Mikey on Friday morning and took them to the YMCA so I could get in a swim.

I did my best, as an Eagle Scout, to be prepared for the little excursion. I figured we could then go pick up a paycheck, make some stops at banks, and maybe even get the boys a little treat since I was dragging them all over town. So I packed clothes and everything I would need to shower at the YMCA after I was done with my swim.

At least, I thought I had.

As I put everything in the locker, I reached for my purple Hawaii towel. Where IS my purple Hawaii towel? Where is ANY towel?

"Well," thought I, "it is not very crowded today, so I will probably be able to drip dry and use paper towels and the hand dryer real quick like. But, I am not giving up my swim."

I swam. And I showered. I was alone in the bathroom. Then, as I was standing at the sink getting some paper towels to start dabbing myself dry, I suddenly became not alone in the bathroom.

Truth be told, I am not embarrassed about the way I look without any clothes. At least not since I have lost 50 pounds of girth to my body. But, I really don't make it a practice to be around other people without any clothing covering...you know...me.

Although this individual identified himself as hailing from the San Francisco area in the late 60s and early 70s, I choose to think that his chattering was more out of nervousness since there was a fully unclothed individual walking around.

He didn't stop. I really did not want to engage in conversation. The relationship was intimate enough as it was. Yet, my lack of response, or my short one word answers did not deter him. This was definitely more uncomfortable than having discussions in the bathroom. At least there are walls dividing the exhibitions taking place.

I finished drying and got dressed as quickly as I could and was on my way. One less person in the world I had to worry about exposing myself to.