Does anyone look forward to writing an obituary? I'm not talking about imagining one for your worst enemy from High School. Maybe you didn't even do that, I mean, neither did I.
No, I am talking about an obituary for someone you love. Say, your Dad.
My Dad had not passed away yet, but I needed to do something besides just waiting around. And not just sitting downstairs and playing the Wii with my brothers - or nieces and nephews so I could actually win. Something productive.
I started by going to purchase burial plots - yes plural - at the Orem Cemetery. Probably best to reserve the space for my Mom next to my Dad, we figured. The employee asked me, "Are these for a funeral?" Using my best Bill Engvall impression, I looked at him, cocked my head and said, "Nope. I'm a pirate and I'm looking for a good place to hide my treasure. Perhaps you have a cross-shaped headstone I can turn 45 degrees and use to mark it?"
One of his very next questions was, "Has your father passed?" I had anticipated this one and was ready with, "Well, he's not quite dead, yet." Okay, so I got that finished and I went back to my parents' house to start writing the obituary. I wanted to get something for my Mom and brothers to use as a baseline from which to expand.
As I started, I realized that there were lots of details that I didn't know and that sort of lent to the tone of the original draft. Here it is:
John LeGrande Avery died at his home in Provo on Some Future Date, 2013 after an eight month battle with brain cancer.
John was born in Provo on October 7, 1942 to Floyd and Sadie Avery. He is survived by his wife Pamela Cardon Avery and his eight sons, Matt (Nicki), Brian (Chris), Danny (Staci), Peter, Andy (Sarah), Wes (Melissa), David (Jannet) and Alex – most of whom are married with 22 kids between them. Matt has the most, so that makes him the best.
John, or LeGrande, or Bud – depending on which circle of friends he was in – served faithfully in Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints his entire life in a variety of callings, most recently as an Executive Secretary in a Young Single Adult Stake where Tom Holmoe serves as a counselor in the presidency. However, the majority of his life was spent in service of young men in a multitude of Boy Scout leadership positions. On some date a while back, he received the Silver Beaver Award, one of the BSA’s highest awards.
A viewing will be held on Friday, Some Future Date, from 6pm to 8pm at Lindon Mortuary E, S, in Lindon, UT. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, Some Future Date at 11 am at the Edgemont 6th Ward Chapel (the “Red Brick” building – or the 4th ward’s chapel, for those of you in the 4th ward) at 4000 N. 650 East, Provo, Utah. His body will be buried in the Orem Cemetery.
I found some details that I didn't have when I just jotted the original draft:
John LeGrande Avery died at his home in Provo on Some Future Date, 2013 after an eight month battle with brain cancer.
John was born in Provo on October 7, 1942 to Floyd and Sadie Avery. He is survived by his wife Pamela Cardon Avery and his eight sons, Matt (Nicki), Brian (Chris), Danny (Staci), Peter, Andy (Sarah), Wes (Melissa), David (Jannet) and Alex and 22 grandchildren.
John, or LeGrande, or Bud – depending on which circle of friends he was in – served faithfully in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints his entire life in a variety of callings, most recently as an Executive Secretary in the Spanish Fork Young Single Adult Stake. However, the majority of his life was spent in service of young men in a multitude of Boy Scout leadership positions. On September 11, 2004, he received the Silver Beaver Award, one of the BSA’s highest awards.
A viewing will be held on Friday, Some Future Date, from 6pm to 8pm at Olpin Family Mortuary 494 S. 300 East in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, Some Future Date at 11 am at the Edgemont 6th Ward Chapel (the “Red Brick” building – provided the 4th Ward does not revoke its permission to use their building) at 4056 N. 650 East, Provo, Utah. Internment services will be at the Orem Cemetery.
That night, another detail crucial for an obituary became known. At this point, there was a lot more participation in the edit process, thankfully. But, you will definitely note some influence from Avery V who graduated from PA School at the School up North.
John LeGrande Avery died at his home in Provo on August 10, 2013, after an eight month battle with brain cancer.
John was born in Provo on October 7, 1942 to Floyd and Sadie Avery. He is survived by his wife Pamela Cardon Avery, his eight sons and six daughters-in-law – Matt & Nicki, Brian & Chris, Danny & Staci, Peter, Andy & Sarah, Wes & Melissa, David & Jannet and Alex – and 22 grandchildren. He is also survived by sisters Ara and Sue, and brothers Barry and Con. He was preceded in death by one sister, Dena Joyce, and one brother, Chad.
John, LeGrande or Bud served two years as a missionary in New Zealand and continued to serve faithfully in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints his entire life in a variety of callings, most recently as an Executive Secretary in the Spanish Fork Young Single Adult Stake. He influenced countless young men as a Boy Scout leader, helping many of them achieve the rank of Eagle - including his eight sons. He was given the Silver Beaver Award, one of the BSA’s highest honors. He loved making itineraries and lists and repacking cargo space prior to and during any outing involving a vehicle. He had a love-hate relationship with long road trips. Driving fast was his specialty.
Dad spent a career in Computer Engineering, but preferred to spend his time in the outdoors hiking, fishing, camping, skiing, backpacking and bicycling. He was skiing when symptoms of the cancer were first noticed. He was also an avid BYU fan and held season football tickets for decades, but it should be noted that the last football stadium he entered was Rice-Eccles, home of the Runnin’ Utes.
He received wonderful care and attention from the staff of Horizon Home Health and Hospice for several months. Prior to that, he had great care from Drs. Reichman, Clark and Rich. Thank you so very much.
A viewing will be held on Thursday, August 15, from 6pm to 7:30pm at the LDS Chapel at 4056 North 650 East, Provo, Utah, happily bumping any ball bouncing in the gym. Funeral services will be held on Friday, August 16 at 11 am at the same chapel (the “Red Brick” building – provided the 4th Ward does not revoke its permission to use their building) with a viewing from 10:00am to 10:45am. Internment services will be at the Orem Cemetery.
In reality, there were many edits and much discussion that went into this version. There were ideas and input that I am not including here. (To summarize, when you get more than one Avery brother together in a room, reverence is short-lived. It's not that we don't know how to be reverent. It was taught to us by our parents - drilled even; sometimes literally.) Yes, we had moments of raucous laughter followed by silence that was only interrupted by sniffling and stifled crying - then soon followed by more laughter and stories.
It's been quite an emotional 3 days, so far.
One last thing: I heard your question. I did. "What's with the 4th Ward?" I am glad you asked. This is really an inside joke that likely only members of the 6th and 16th Wards can fully appreciate. "Three wards in one building, one ward to rule them all." You will see that the reference was removed for the final version. We couldn't bring ourselves to be THAT irreverent. You can read the final version here.
So very weird to expect to see my Dad here at my parents' home and talk to him, but he's not here. I love my Dad. And I miss him.
