The Trials of Life

I am a defendant in a trial. Lest anyone get the wrong idea, I am not guilty. (Just like the accident was not my fault.)

But, I am not guilty of the crime for which I have been cited: Driving 85 in a 75 mph zone. I was not going any faster than 82. So, now in an attempt to salvage my good name and reputation, I am driving back up to Cedar City (at no faster than 82 mph) in March to plead my case.

Is there a principle at stake? Yes. Had he written the citation for 82, I would just send the court my money. Both Nicki and I told the UHP officer that our cruise control was set at 82 and it was not possible on this flat to slightly uphill-inclined stretch of highway that we were going 85-90 mph. Yet, he claims he paced us going between those speeds, even faster. (He did not clock us on radar.)

I submit to you that, having been on the north-bound side of the freeway, then turning around to follow after a minivan (which may, or may not have been ours) that he visually determined was speeding, he most definitely had to reach speeds in excess of 90 mph to catch up to us.

How did he visually determine we were speeding?: "Well, I saw you pass several vehicles."

I am definitely guilty of passing other vehicles. All vehicles traveling at speeds slower than 82 mph - particularly large trucks and RVs.

He said there must be something wrong with our speedometer. So, Nicki asked the kind highway patrolman to follow us for a short spell to see if our speedometer might be broken. He offered to drive in front of us and when he reached 75 mph, he would flash his yellows.

We accepted. As he flashed his yellows, Nicki and I looked at our speedometer.

75 mph.

Fully expecting him to be as pleased with the results as we were, we pulled over next to his Patrol Vehicle and shared the joyous tidings with the congenial officer, who said, "Whatever." Okay, that's not exactly what he said, but it was the basic nature of his response.

Not Guilty.

A Forgotten Seating Strategy

I really do enjoy "The Forgotten Carols" by Michael McLean. I know, I know. But it's enjoyable music with a reasonably entertaining presentation. We have made a point to see it every year for the past several years.

My family had the opportunity to go see it again this past weekend in St. George, Utah. Naturally, we drove 2 hours to see a program that would be in our hometown only 2 days later.

If you haven't seen it, I do recommend you go at least once. But keep the following in mind:

At the end of the program Michael McLean always sings "We Can Be Together Forever." If you are LDS, you might recognize this as a ploy to get the entire audience to cry and buy CDs after the show. Actually, he comes right out and says it. Well, he then will tell the audience that he didn't feel it from them and he wants everyone to link up. Link arms, hold hands, or touch feet, if you have issues with your personal space.

Our family was seated in the middle of the row, with me at the far left end of our seating group. There was an empty seat to my left. Then a woman and her group. I figured that the empty seat was going to save me from having to "link up" with my neighbor.

Then, she reached her hand across the empty seat and held it open for me. I briefly thought I would pretend that I did not see her hand, but ultimately decided to go ahead and hold her hand for this next chorus.

At the conclusion of that chorus, when Brother McLean declared how wonderful it sounded, etcetera, I relaxed the grasp of my hand. I was the only one who did.

For the next 15 minutes, or so, my hand remained trapped in the grasp of this stranger 2 seats away from me. What was I to do? I had relaxed my grip. We were no longer committed to remaining linked. The assumption of the contract with Michael McLean was to be linked for the next chorus, only. At least, that was my understanding.

Seriously, he repeatedly sang the chorus of "We Can Be Together Forever Someday" for another 15 minutes and then concluded with "Silent Night" and a request for no applause at the end. So there wasn't even that out.

Just before "Silent Night," Nicki, whose hand I was willingly holding, whispered, "You can probably let go of her hand, now."

"I have."

After what seemed like several minutes following the end of "Silent Night," the woman leaned to me and quietly wished me a Merry Christmas. That was sweet. She held my hand hostage for nearly 20 minutes, but I got a "Merry Christmas."

I reiterate my recommendation to see "The Forgotten Carols" next year. If you have some certain personal space issues, then I also recommend that you either sit on the end of a row, or between two people you won't mind linking with.

It's Called an Accident for a Reason

If you are having difficulty seeing the damage, that's because THERE ISN'T ANY. Okay, I apologize for shouting.

The most frustrating part is now waiting to see what the driver of the vehicle in front of me is going to claim happened to her. She called the accident in to Metro, but then decided she didn't want to wait, so she left.

This was not my fault. Yes, I ran into her (at about 2 miles per hour). You actually get hit harder from behind - and with less back and neck support - on Splash Mountain, Small World, Pirates of the Carribean or Grizzly Rapids, to name a few, than how hard I hit this car.

It was not my fault. Did I mention that? It's called an accident for a reason.

And, yes, she has made an injury and damage claim to my insurance company.

Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together

First, there was bread and butter. Of course, I am not sure how many people were eating butter alone at the time of this blessed discovery, but the human race learned that the two went quite nicely together.

Somewhere in history, cheese met broccoli. Ooh, melted cheese over cooked broccoli? Broccoli cheese soup? How can you not like that?

Then honey met peanut butter. Then jelly met peanut butter. Then celery met peanut butter. Then chocolate met peanut butter. That PB really gets around. But chocolate? That was great.

There are other subjects besides food that have magical matchups - like music. Do you remember "Walk This Way" with RUN DMC?

If you're into country, you might know that some people liked Kix. Others were fans of Ronnie. But Brooks & Dunn was one of the best.

This winter, we are blessed with a new musical pairing. It's peanut butter and chocolate all over again:

To Blog, or Not To Blog

I have pondered the idea of doing a blog for some time now. The problem is that blogs are supposed to be funny and creative - even interesting. Unfortunately, I exchanged anything resembling funny, creative and interesting over 10 years ago for my accounting degree.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I like to enjoy myself and get creative. I create spreadsheets that compute and project the profitability of businesses and investments all the time. That's crazy fun.

Okay, not for everyone, but it's what I do and I do enjoy it.

As for being funny, well, I am learning more and more that life is funny, without any effort whatsoever. No sense worrying about trying to be funny when life already is. Besides, isn't there room out there for a blog that's boring?

Well, there used to be. That room is now occupied.